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DPW 07-10-07

Album Comments from Kuro

 
01 Fans
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02 Fury calls out Slyck

Show opened with Moby and Selina coming to the ring talking about this and that while the F.o.R.W. chanted whenever the big guy opened his mouth. Straight Edge Bryan Fury found his way to Waterbury, all the way from his big R.O.H. preshow appearance on Friday. He talked about how the man was holding him down and how he would become the new champ. The old champ, Silky Wagner Brown, came out and the two were separated by D.P.W. Security and the ref staff.

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03 El Chubacabra 69 v Chris Mooch

First match saw El Chupacrabadonis take on the T.V. Champ, MOOCH~! (with Paul E. Jay) The masked fake mexican got in some offense early but MOOCH~! soon took over with his trademark stiff offense and successfully defended his title for the first time after delivering a t-bone MOOCHPLEX~! to the wannabe wetback.

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04 Ariel v BMT

Next Ariel came out and said that Alere Little Feather was a no-show. She went on to issue an open challenge to any boy or girl in the back. I guess all the trannies were out of luck. B.M.T. fresh off a birthday celebration that was rumored to have lasted several days, seemed to be reluctantly shoved out from the curtain and after protesting the match was kept in the ring by referee Stevie Ray Cyrus (no known relation to Hannah Montanna). Brendan's reluctance to be in the match was evident at first, but Ariel gave him a cheap shot out of a handshake and went to town on him. She savaged his afro to no end, pulling on it in many different ways. She chopped the heck out of his pink-shirted chest, and took him from post to post. Eventually B.M.T. had enough and tried to put her in her place (while apologizing to his mom), but after she kicked out of his 450 splash he went for another which she avoided. Ariel, like the good heel she is, then rolled him up using a handful of tights for the pin. B.M.T. lost any qualms he had about beating her up after she showed herself to be a cheater and started to rough her up as she was exiting the ring. Nikki Roxxi Laveaux came out for the save, but then laid out Ariel with a front facelock cradle stunner bomb move. She also put down Brendan with the same convoluted maneuver. As the fans wondered "Why, Nikki? Why?" B.M.T. tenderly carried his fallen opponent to the back. Like a very small King Kong carrying a chubby Fay Wray.

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05 Happy Feet Interview segment

Paulie J. then came out to conduct an interview segment, Happy Feet's Last Call. His guests were the tag-team champs, Dreadful Gunns and Ryan Cox. As Paulie tried to set up a match for his charges, the Untouchables came out (from the back, not of the closet) and asserted they they were owed a shot at the straps. Coxx and the Guns respectfully disagreed, but said that if either of the Unwatchables could beat either of the Gunns in singles competition, the Unstoppables would get a title match on the 27th.

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06 Black Rage v Johnny Diego Ramirez

Black Rage with M.T. Crackhead came to the ring for their next match. Their opponent was Johnny Diego Ramirez who got on the mic and said he would beat them without the help of his cousin, Dora, or anyone else. He charged the ring and made a go of it. He didn't last long, and as Billy Ocean and Marquis de Sade beat the snot out of him, Dim Shady got a microphone, slid under the the rope and got in Ramirez's face and told him he was a fool not to join up with them, and that nobody cared about him. Grizzled old man, Ron Zombie dug himself out of some hole and came to the ring, cleaned house and scored the pin. Young Johnny was displeased with the veteran coming to his aid, even though it got him another win over the Waterbury chapter of the Nation of Domination. Black Rage raised their fists and marched towards the lockerroom letting Johnny know they still wanted him in their stable.

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07 Michaels v Dredd

The Dreaded gauntlet began next with Anthony Michaels taking on Dredd Bull. Bull used his heavy offense effectively at first, but Michaels tried to wear the big man down. While it worked at first, Dredd soon regained control. Mark Gore made his way to ringside, followed soon after by Pete Gunner. Ringside Jesus inadvertently distracted the ref, and Gore tried to interfere but it backfired and Bull won the match in the ring as Gunner dispatched Gore to the back.

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08 Jason Knight v Rock Superstar Seven Elevenard

Match number next was the man that made Joey Styles itch, Jason F. Knight taking on Rock Superstar Seven Elevenard, no holds barred. Jason took the recent graduate of the Proving Grounds back to school early. He dropped vicious Abdullah the Butcher elbows on the youngling, hit him with clotheslines stiffer than the ones covered with ice after a winter storm and chopped him like he was spanking a baby. After beating the hanky off the kid, the kid finally fought back, taking control when Meaz held Knight in the ropes and Seven hit a running clubbing elbow. Jason didn't take back over until the action left the ring and the gray old man used a chair on Lennard. He then threw both his opponent and the chair in the ring, and as he was about to finish the insolent child off, Meaz hopped in the ring and on to Knight's back with a rear naked choke. Justin F. Credible came into the ring to give his fellow Impact Player a hand. He deposited snot nosed Seven on the outside as Jason set up Jim Meaz to eat Justin's shoe. Meaz saw the super kick coming though, and ducked it. Jason Effing Knight got knocked the eff out. Seven then quickly incapacitated the apologetic hardcore icon Credible, and covered Knight for the three count. Once Knight woke up Justin apologized profusely and profanely. Jason walked away silently.

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10 Flamingo lounge

The second half opened with an edition of The Flamingo Lounge hosted by El Kurt Adonis. His guest was cruiserweight champ FRANKIE~! Arion who was accompanied by an action figure of himself. Frankie endorsed Ron Paul for President, and it came out that Frankie was injured in the last man standing match he had with Kid Mikaze. Kurty mentioned that contenders were lining up for shots at the title. J-Busta came out and said that his taking Mikaze to the limit in the T.V. Title Tourney earned him a shot. Nocturne then joined the party in the ring and said he beat three people in the same tourney, which should earn him a shot. Adonis suggested the only way to settle who gets a shot would be a number one contenders match. Kurt got out of the ring, Frankie headed for a seat at the announce position, and a ref showed up to begin the contest.

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11 Busta v Noc

The match began with the two feeling each other out while dueling chants erupted. From there the action picked up with guys trading high impact moves in the corners and scintillating kicks in the middle. Noc got dumped to the outside and J-Busta drove through him and three rows of chairs. Noc recuperated quicker and took over in the ring until Busta got his knees up during a Noc dive, and punctuated that with a lungblower. Busta was unable to finish him off though, and soon Noc hit a brainbuster to the delight of the crowd. From there he got around to hitting the package piledriver on his second attempt, and earned the duke. Both men shook hands with each other and then with Frankie on their way out.

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12 Gore v Gunnar

The second half of the Dreaded Dredded Challenge Series was up with Pat Gunner taking on Mark Gore. Gore has a soul patch, Pat Gunner is Pat Gunner. I hope they both lose. Their partners both came out early. Ryan Coxxx's protesting to the ref about Michaels led to Michaels having more opportunities to double team the taller member of Dreaded Bums. Bull finally had enough and started brawling with Michaels outside the ring, but the ref felt compelled to jump out and break it up. Ryan Coxxxx went over and joined that fray which became an argument. The unwell spoken Bull slipped away from this discussion and got in the ring to help Gunner finish off Gore. Not surprisingly, Gore outsmarted the fan-favorite dullards and their double team was made of fail. Gore got the win, and then the Unmentionables celebrated by putting their finisher on Pat. Ringside Jesus resuscitated Uncle Pete, and the champs left with their titles and the knowledge of who their next challengers were.

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13 Tsunami v Oddity

Paulie Jay and Del Tsunami were next in the ring, and Del's opponent was longtime rival Lenn Oddity. The combatants were ready but there was no ref. Jose Perez came to ringside and was just devestated that Paulie's other lackey, Jim Sullivan was a no-show. He then revealed that not only would he be the ref for this contest but that it would be "Anything Goes". Of course this led to a wild brawl, and about the only thing Jose took exception with was Paulie winding up to hit Lenn with a chair. Del undid a turnbuckle pad, but Lenn was able to avoid being slammed in to it, at least for the moment. Eventually Tsunami did run the clowns head into the exposed metal and Lenn was left a bloody groggy mess. Del went into Lenn's bag of fun and found a miniature steel chair. Jose again didn't let the chair fly, wrestling it from the judoku's hands. The tattooed ugly freak took ahold of Tsunami and Jose swung for the fences. Del slithered out of the clown's grip and a thunderous, sickening, brainscrambling shot was delivered to the top of the poor guys head. Del covered him and Jose made a deliberately slow three count, but it could've been to ten or even... fourteen. Oddity wasn't moving til security scraped him off the canvass and carried him to the back.

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14 Just Pat v El Chubacabra 69

"Just Pat" took on El Chupacabradonis in the next match. Just Pat seemed like an affable fellow, but I have no godly idea why this was presented on a professional wrestling card. The masked man won in quick fashion, I was so baffled by this whole spectacle I couldn't tell you how. Guess the nondescript jobber needed his heat back after losing to MOOCH~! earlier. I hope Just Pat doesn't come out again later to get a win on one of the wrestler's children or something. Maybe they should do a pre-show to have stuff like this, if it is necessary at all. Now Just Pat will never add me on Myspace. I suppose it could have been worse, it could have been "It's Pat".

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15 Mooch v Credible

Speaking of MOOCH~! he was accompanied to the ring by Paulie for another defense of his TV Title, this time against grizzled, but not aged veteran Justin Credible. MOOCH~! was in command most of the time (not in control though, since Justin was calling spots ridiculously loud throughout) working on Justin's leg mainly. Justin was able to gain the upper hand by pulling MOOCH~! into the ring post as Christ went to wishbone crotch him. Outside the ring they threw each other through rows of chairs as Justin swore at MOOCH~!, they got back to the ring and Justin was able to apply That's Incredible to the young champ. The kid incredibly kicked out. After hitting Justin with an exploder MOOCHPLEX, he retained his title.

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16 Milano/Credible promo

As the match ended, Ironsides Mikey Milano rolled to ringside in a wheelchair after being mysteriously attacked the night before. It was then worked shoot time, as Milano and Justin hollered at each other about Justin plotting against D.P.W. and working with Jimmy Meaz, and Mikey owing Justin everything. This must have been real too, since while they were arguing Mikey called Justin "P.J.". I guess he doesn't know that Credible's real name is Aldo. The climax of all this nonsense was Justin shouting at the crowd and throwing Milano through a bunch of seats, then Jason Knight coming back and asking him politely to leave, which he did escorted by security.

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17 Slyck v Fury

After everyone got back to their seats it was time for the main event. After six long months, Bryan Furry took on Sick Wagner Brown for the heavyweight championship of Waterbury. Lots of back in forth in this one, lots of outside brawling. Brown damn near landed in my lap at one point. Another highspot saw Slyck dive on to Bryan from the ring and land just about outside. A full garbage can came into play with absolutely no consideration for Wanko having to clean it up afterwards. After twelve minutes Wagner won with the Appreciation Bomb. Afterwards Wagner told us how respectful he was and offered to shake the beaten honky's hand. Fury took him up on the offer, but clotheslined him out of his boots after congratulating him. This feud must continue. This show did not. The End.

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