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DPW 07-11-04

Comments by Kuro

 
01 Opening - JJ gets his

C.C. DeVille and Selena opened up the show and welcomed Moby Alexander back from his very serious mouth injury. J.J. whinged about being attacked and how awful Waterbury is. I guess even heels are right sometimes. Mikey Milano came out to stick up for the cesspool of a town and told tons o' fun that he owed his entire life to him. Tubby took exception to this, and Mikey decided to put an end to that career, bringing out MOOCH~! to clothesline him out of his shirt, and security to drag his carcass to the alleyway.

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02 BMT v 20 year old Virgin

B.M.T. of the Pink Ladies accompanied by Ariel, take on the 20 Year old virgin. After Ariel interfered, Afroman won the match with a 450 splash.

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03 Just Pat v Justin Gimmick

"Just" Pat Hetic taking on an inebriated masked man wearing jean shorts and carrying a kendo stick named Justin Gimmick. This pun was grammatically incorrect, I would have called him Justin Toxicated. Mooch... I mean Justin, won quickly with a superkick. The crowd was silent for this one, other than a few giggles at Mr. Gimmicks crotch chopping and other signature poses.

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04 Lenn Oddity v Bobby Ocean

insane clown Lenn Oddity take on Bobby Ocean. Young black teenagers Johnny Ramirez and M.T. Cracker respectively accompanied the combatants. Lenn won the match with a top rope leg drop. Maybe he ran into Bobby Eaton at Wrestlefest in CA. After the match Crackhead attacked clownshoes with a rickety chair. Johnny came in ostensibly to make the save, but finally acknowledged his roots and joined the nation of Black Rage. The three of them mercilessly attacked the honky until his white friends Dreadful Gunns and Ryan Coxx saved him. As the Gunns ran Rage off, they challenged them to a six man match for the tag titles. Black Rage reluctantly agreed, and Gunns and Coxx versus Cracker, Ocean, and Diego was signed for later in the show.

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05 Sevin demands some mic time

Seven E. Levin and Jimmy Weaz came out to the ring, and bragged about how they beat everyone Milano put in their way. Milano came to the ring and mentioned Jason Knight was stuck in traffic, but brought out MOOCH~! and made an improptu T.V. Title match. When things weren't going Seven's way, Jimmy scurried to the back and brought out Paul E. Jay and Del Sue Nommy to help Seven cheat to win. Del hopped in the ring in full view of the ref and clocked young mr. Leonard. Therefore MOOCH~! was disqualified and Seven gets a win over the champ.

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06 Intermission

My head wasn't in the crossword, Wil Shortz wins again. Also, Black Rage savagely attacked Ryan Coxxx and Big Van Bull Dredd. Wanko was outraged, but the rest of the security staff and him were unable to stop the brutal beating. Lenn Oddity eventually came to the resuce, after stealing the boot of a goth broad. I think the scary chick runs Variant 13 boutique on Crown Street in New Haven. They can outfit you in suitable attire should you decide to run away and join Marilyn Manson's circus.

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07 Slyck gets some mic time

DPW Champ Slyck Wagging Brown coming to the ring curious to find out who his opponent for the night would be. Paul E. happy feeted his way to ringside and longwindedly let him know that it would be Big Jim Sullivan who was peeking in from the front door. The Irish Redneck then hit the ring and worked over Brown's knee. Mmm... brownies. Jay and his charge then cackled their way to the back certain they would win later. Slyck was helped to the back.

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08 DDW Title Match - Ariel (c) v ALF

The champ, Pink Portugese Princess, Ariel came out with her Pink Palamino, B.M.T. The challenger Alere Little Feather was accompanied by a tomahawk and a Arrow bus ticket to Foxwoods. The special referee for this match was Hurricane Talia Madison who came to the ring without about half of the standard ref uniform.
Talia was basically the focus of this match, growing more and more biased against dear sweet demure Ariel as the match wore on. Alere was going to go for a top rope maneuver when Ariel pushed Talia into ropes, knocking the injun princess off the turnbuckle. Talia refused to even acknowledge the pin, turning her back and complaining to the hard cam about her elbow being bruised from the shove. Seeing how the odds were stacked against his girlfriend, B.M.T. rushed the ring, but alas, learned cheaters never prosper when his interference backfired, and Alere made a quick pin to become the new Alpha Defiant Diva. As the star-crossed lovers quarreled in the ring, Talia and Alere giggled their way victoriously to the back.

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09 DPW tag Title match - Black Rage v Dreaded Gunns

Due to the horrific events at intermission (with the attacks by Black Rage, not the disaster of a crossword solving attempt). The six man match for the tag team titles was now a three on one match, with the Blacks against the Gunner. It was just an awful, awful match. I was so distracted by how bad it was, I really have no idea how it ended, but was glad it was over. At some point Bull came out, so it was then 3 on 2. Maybe the challengers were disqualified, maybe the champs were. They did retain the titles, and Lenn Oddity was their cavalry, I honestly have no idea if he ran in during the match or during a post match beat down. Even without winning, the nation was happy with the havok they wreaked smiling as they raised their tiny fists and left the arena. Jesus stumbled to the ring and healed Gunner, Bull apparently needed a vet.

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10 Jason Knight v Sevin

Jimmy and Seven came to the ring, and had a match with Jason Knight, who was in great physical and mental shape. Milano came out with Jason and ended up brawling through the crowd with Jimmy. Jason Knight was finally able to get the best of that punk Seven, pinning him after two regular and one tombstone piledriver. Bad things come in threes.

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11 TV Title Match - Del Tsunami v Chris Mooch(c)

Del "The Brazilian Waxer" Tsunami with K.J. Paul J. came out for an anything goes t.v. title match against MOOCH~! A majority of this match took place on the floor in the corner opposite the entrance and me. I patiently sat in my seat and waited and waited for it to get back to the ring. MOOCH~! hit a couple of Van Terminator-like corner to corner dropkicks into a chair set up against Del's face. While many t-bone suplexes were dished out both in and out of the ring during this contest, MOOCH~! eschewed it as his finisher, choosing to use another Taz signature spot, choking Del into unconciousness with the Kataha Jime. After the match former E.C.W. Television champ Jason Knight came back out and didn't ask MOOCH~!, "How do like my new suit?" He did, however, tell the young champ he was proud of him.

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12 World Title match - Jim Sullivan v Slyck (c)

The main event saw Big Jim Sullivan, who apparently hates everyone and is a redneck from Long Island, just like Billy Joel, I guess take on Slyck Wagner Brown who is apparently wrestling's best kept secret, unless you go to shows anywhere in the northeast. This match too spent a lot of time outside the ring, including Sullivan being thrown into and just about through the wall of the Dojo. The end of the match came when Paul grabbed the title and hopped on the ring apron, getting Brown's attention. Slyck catapaulted him into the ring, and delivered an appreciation bomb to the poor prince of penguins. While the ref was clearing the ring of his carcass, Big Jim grabbed the title belt and kayoed Wagner, covering him for the win and becoming the new D.P.W. Champ! After the match he was menacing the ex-champ with a chair and Lenn Oddity made the save. He sure enjoys being the cavalry. He threw his hat in to the ring to be one of the first new contenders to Sullivan's title. Brown then gave an appreciation bomb to oddity for good measure. I guess its true what they say about black people hating clowns.

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