I know exactly where you are coming from. There were times I cried while detangling. One day it took me more than 8 hours to detangle. I am glad you stuck in there though girl because you are an inspiration to a lot of people including myself :)

I'm all late to this so I'm not sure if you're still considering this. But since you like the look of natural hair but want it easier to manage, maybe a texturizer is the answer. You have gorgeous hair, but I do *not* envy the detangling and managing. I always say I want thicker hair, and I do, but the fact that it takes me less than 10 minutes to comb through my hair is a blessing!!

There *are* other options.

And, I dont know if you have any Dominican salons near you, but if you went there once a week for a wash and set, You'd feel your hair stretch more and be "tamer", easier to comb through and manipulate. Its like $30 max (because of your length).

I'm sure you've probably changed your mind by now, but no. You should never relax your hair. It's beautiful. I love the thickness and texture.

Your protective styles are amazing.

Mwedzi, you have a lot of thick hair, that's not gonna change anytime soon. You have persevered for quite some time. When I start having those "I hate my hair moments/weeks" I will throw in some kinky twists extensions or even a wig to give myself a mental break. If you get to the point that your hair doesn't bring you any more joy you may have to evaluate other options. Your hair is beautiful, and we all know that natural ain't always easy. Slick it, wrap it, flip it, or weave it, until you can think clearly. Some may disagree with me, but finding a natural hair stylist that can give you a helping hand once in a while may be a God send. I LOVE mine.

Mwedzi, in response to your previous comment. My hair is similar to yours and I have to part my hair, not doing it isn't an option. Then I wash my hair with the twists in and reuse the parts. The key is to retwist your hair before it can dry or you will have bad matting and tangling. This is made my life so much simpler.

I really hope you don't relax it. I think your twists look beautiful on you. I've yet to see any style that you have posted that doesn't compliment you. Maybe its time for a BC?

Why do you prefer to relax than to loc ? Is there any particular reason to that ? If you do small breadlocz you will be so free and you will have so much versatility and your hair will loc so fast. you will only need to retighten the root every month and a half ( youself takes 4 hours in font of the TV) and you can swim when ever you like.

If there is another reason for you not to loc then your own dislike of it and if you can consider it letter, then you can cut hour hair in half or more for easy style till you are ready to loc.
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I'm sorry, I don't understand what you are saying in the last half.

I'd prefer loose relaxed hair to locked hair because I don't like the look of locs enough to keep them in permanently / semi-permanently. I can tell already, since i don't like the look of my twists, either. Twists are probably the closest style I have right now that would give me and idea of how I'd look with locs, and I just don't like my twists.

I understand exactly what you are going through, as we do have similar texture....

However, I would suggest just doing your research & making sure relaxed hair is really what you want & is worth it.
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Yes, we do have very similar textures. You're an inspiration because you handle well this texture, and even more of it since your hair is so much longer than mine.

That's just the thing about relaxing. I'm not sure I wouldn't be switching one set of problems for another. Plus, I prefer the look of natural hair. I'm staying natural for now.

just to add more to the henna thing, you might see something after the second application. i saw a difference after the first, but i made a super acidic mixture and left it on all night. i would try doing an application a week for at least 3 weeks. if you can stand it, leave it on overnight and wash and DC the next day. i might revisit hennaing, but i'm pretty sure it's what caused some textural weirdness, so i've been leaving it alone for a while.

have you considered texlaxing maybe? you would have easier detangling sessions but not loose all the versatility of natural hair.
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I think if I do relax which, for the moment, is looking less likely, I'd texlax first. Then if I didn't like that, I'd do a corrective and relax completely. To be honest, I don't really like the look of type 4 texlaxed hair in general, though there are exceptions.
fotki.com/dsylla
is an exception.

Yeah, maybe I didn't give henna enough chances to work. If I can get up the energy, it might definitely be worth trying. I no longer want hennas color, so I'd have to do twice the work to henna and then indigo. But that might help.

don't relax, your hair's too pretty! i would suggest you cut. i know you've said that it won't make a difference, but trying to learn new styling or detangling techniques are easier, and less time consuming, on shorter hair. also, if you wanna try out new products, less hair = less product used. a lot of places will take back used products if you haven't used too much, and you can't do that when you have a lot of hair to put product on.

i haven't tried using marshmallow root for detangling yet, but there are always those natural options. have you tried henna? i don't think my hair tangled as much when i was using it.

i think you just need someone in your area to help you with your hair. stylist, friend, whichever. most natural stylists require consultations first. maybe you could find a few and kinda interview them?
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I have tried henna, but just once. Maybe I need to try it for consecutive weeks. I also tried Kinky Curly Knot Today which has marshmallow root in it, but I was not impressed. I traded it away.

I would cut, but I know it makes no difference. I just cut last August for the same reason, and 2 years before that and 2 years before that, so I've learned that cutting does not help me.

A salon might be nice, but I'm scared of them. I've never ever had a non-painful salon visit. I keep trying to hype myself up to go, but I just can't muster the courage to do it. My original motivation in going natural was so that I wouldn't have to go back to salons.

No, please don't relax. Go to a salon and let them pamper you for a day.

Mine looked similar until I started parting. Believe it or not it did make a HUGE difference in how my twists lay and looked when I parted - HUGE!!! If you don't like how they look then parting will help out ALOT! At first I didn't do it either and then I tried it once and saw for myself. I did the brick layered parting. In regards to your attitude, I definitely understand, if locs were not for me and I didn't love them then I would have kept my twa or wash 'n go as relaxing is definitely not for me. Unfortunately I don't think that relaxing will solve your issue but again, I know where you are mentally. I was pissed off for a while when I realized that growing my loose hair past a certain length wasn't going to happen due to the hassle and breakdowns of tears lol. I wish I had a magic solution. The only two words that I can offer are peace and acceptance. Also know that with small locs, you can have big hair, take a look - www.fotki.com/toy1 & www.fotki.com/toy2 . That was my intent until I didn't want that many locs, like you, ultimately I just wanted easy hair.
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Wow, Toy's locs are really beautiful!

Yes, parting absolutely does help, though maybe not to the extent that it does on others. Or maybe I'm not doing it correctly. I did try the brick layering method, you can see the pics in my box braids:
http://public.fotki.com/mwedzi/hair/boxbraidstake24.html
They still look terrible! Notice the 0 comments, lol. People passing that one by like "nothing to say here!" Also, it takes sooo long, it doubles the amount of time it takes for me to twist, and I'm really looking for ways to lessen my time.

Well, I'm just going to keep it natural for now and try pressing periodically to see if that helps.

I would echo pensive. I definitely think it's the fine strands. I usually layer on heavy products as I style and detangle because once they start to evaporate and my hair gets a little drier, they become like fine spun threads, expanding out and wanting to twirl in different directions. Common things I have seen on forums (you know nc.com too ) include the henna like curlynikki has used to keep her tangled split ends at bay and castor oil, which thickens the hair too. The Chagrin valley bars I mentioned in my last post have also appeared to thicken my strands.

Super long, sorry I didn't see a 'contact me' in your profile.

This is belated, but these links are taken from the natural hair care guide I put together in my fotki journal. At the very bottom of the guide there are inspirational vids on youtube. I know it sounds corny, but they always inspire me with a new style to try so I can let go of ones that aren't working:

http://journals.fotki.com/Copa-canary/basic-guide-to-natural-ha/


See a variety of styles at this fotki, album entitled The Urban Hair Suite:
http://public.fotki.com/poochie247/pretty-brown-thangs/the-urban-hair-suite/

A guide I found online with styling basics:
http://naturalhaircareguide.com/index.php/Natural-Style/Other-styles/Natural-Styles.html

Styling with your texture:
http://naturalhaircaregui.../Work-with-your-type.html

These guides helped me figure out which styles would work best for me.

Things that have helped me cut down on tangles:
Chagrin valley shampoo bars - These bars have cut my detangling down to once a month (not even necessary) instead of after each wash. They have saponified oils in them that clean the hair but give slip so that your hair is clean without the nesty tangliness. Conditioners haven't even done for me what these bars do.

There is the oil rinse method also that helped Fleurzty reduce her tangles. She has a diff. texture, but it's worth a try at minute 1:17:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BtisOmxOxg

Herbal Essence Hello hydration is a great detangling conditioner. I once applied it in my hair in preparation for co-washing and it unraveled each and every one of my twists to the root. It's about $3 I think. Give it a try if you haven't already.

Other products: Marshmallow, Slippery elm, Burdock root tea rinses. (They sell these herbs at select whole foods in the city and suburbs). I hear they are great natural detanglers to use as a final rinse after your wash and before detangling.

Have you tried the no-comb method? I know your hair is super tangly, but maybe doing the opposite (not trying to detangle it and letting it do what it does naturally) might help. I don't mean letting it loc' but as I mentioned above, I don't detangle my hair as often and although I can't run a comb/brush through it or separate it further than a centimeter without the ends catching, it still remains detangled for styling purposes. Imagine someone with large curls trying to separate two ringlets with a comb. Maybe try separating just clumps of hair, and let the rest of the hair do it's thing.

As far as style, I think your regimen can be as simple as you make it. I really like your large twists and I think they look cute in updos. I also adore your twistouts. I haven't seen a lot of braidouts, do you do braidouts? Maybe i haven't looked through all of the pics. I think simply having a routine where you wear the twists, then wear the twisout for the week can reduce styling stress. There's a co-worker I have (c-napp I believe, but definitely 4b) who only twists her hair once a week for a twistout (no -re-twisting mid week) and although it looses it's definition over time, it's beautiful watching it transform into a fuller style. Even when she wears it for 1.5 weeks, it still looks good because of the shape she has it in (I think she got it cut in that style or her hair naturally grows into that shape). She then twirls her stretched hair up (bohemian style) and uses one or two pins at most to secure it into a loose updo for the rest of the 2 weeks, then repeats while switching things up occasionally.

If you already do something similar, then have you tried doing other styles with your twistouts? I know it's difficult styling thick stretched hair, but practicing some styles and doing them routinely can help them become second nature. Have you tried letting your hair dry in bantu knots and taking those out for another style canvas to work with? I could be wrong, but your hair looks like it shapes into diff. styles easily, so finding a way to stretch it into an easier canvas to work with, immediately after washing may help. For example, four large buns if you don't want to do smaller bantu knots, then getting it into a stretched protective style that you like other than twists when it dries. Natural hair is definitely not a cake walk. Do what you have to do. Life is too short to suffer over hair in any form. You're still an inspiration to me and many others. :-}
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Thanks for the comments. I'll go through them really carefully, too. Just glancing, I've already tried the Chagrin Valley bars and the Hello Hydration. I know that there aren't really any products that can untangle my hair. Once it's tangled, it just is.

Your coworkers routine is a good one. I do do that sometimes, twist, let dry, and wear the twist out for the week. It does not make my hair much easier to detangle, though. But it does look good. :)

<<runs away crying...
I'm frustrated with my hair at the moment because my twist (flat, mini, etc) get fuzzy after 3 days and i always wear a silk (like) scarf that does not come off at night. And i always hear people talking about how they wear their hair in twists for like 6 weeks. Three weeks and my hair starts to loc. Maybe you should get some braid (extensions) and give yourself a break. Or maybe you should cut it down to a medium sized fro. I noticed you blow dry your hair. My hair and blow driers (flat irons) do not mix at all (low heat/medium/high heat doesn't matter). The heat ruins my natural curl and my hair goes crazy and detangling did not work at all, My roots also looked like yours with my twist, that may be do to the damage also. I had to cut my hair really short and start over because of the damage, and it worked my hair does not tangle as bad, and my twist look better besides the fuzziness lol. And we have the same textured hair, so maybe a good chop will do. Whatever you decide, I hope it makes you happy, you'll still be one of my inspirations.
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thanks for the tips. Actually, the truth is that when I blow dried my hair more regularly, it was easier to manage because it didn't knot like it does now. Also, the twists looked nicer because blow drying straightened the roots a bit making the contrast between root and twist less extreme. Being on the hair boards may have been good for the "health" of my hair (though I'm not always sure what "hair health" means and why it's important), but it's made taking care of my hair difficult. All the suggestions for hair health have actually made everything so much harder. :(

If I cut, I'd have to cut really short, not just medium size. I've cut my hair several times out of frustration only to realize that it doesn't make much difference. maybe if i cut it down to 2 or 3 inches, though.

Have you considered locking your hair?
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Yes, but I don't want locks right now.

Sweetie...As I look through your albums I see a bunch of versatile and creative styles. We have the same hair type and no it's not easy to handle at times but yet beautiful. Go through your albums again and again and see the beauty in what you've created over the years. If you want a change...cut it a few inches. No one said that we had to have long natural hair. The length is a choice. I love your hair and will be here for you if you need emotional support.
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Thank you. Unfortunately, cutting a few inches doesn't solve the problem. I've cut 3 times in the last few years and I can't believe it took me all those times to learn that the major issue with my hair is not length, but texture and density. I'd have to cut down to 3" or less for it to make any difference, I think. I don't want a twa, though.

Thank you for the support.

I support you whatever you do (not that I matter!! lol). As far as what you asked, I know if my hair was doing things that I did not enjoy currently and that I knew I would not enjoy long term, I would change it. Immediately. For example: I am BCing tonight. The relaxer has to go. It's funny, I wrote a little while back that if you relaxed, I would BC the same day and to let me know what you decided. I can't wait. HA! Your hair is GORGEOUS, lady, and I know it will be long and healthy if you DO relax with everything you have learned at LHCF. Go with whatever gives you the most peace in your spirit. As for me...I am sick of this relaxer; my hair just won't grow like I want it to with a relaxer and I am itching to enjoy my natural texture. I liked dealing with it previously and know I will again. Thanks so much for the inspiration that you are!! Love, your LHCF "sister", Christi

wow! i thought i had mis-read the question, until i opened up the album.
i think your hair is GORGEOUS!!!! i am on np a lot.i don't make a lot of comments...but i do pay attention and you were one of my inspirations!!!
this is a true example of people not seeing what others see. i would never think your twists look ugly!! my goodness...they are beautiful!!!!
however, at the end of the day you have to do what you FEEL and KNOW is right for YOU!

Have you tried braiding the roots and then twisting? I used to wear twists all the time when I was in college and that was the only way to keep them looking neat for long periods of time. I don't do them like that anymore and my twists come out looking like yours but I'm fine with that since I only wear them for a few days. Of course, the drawback is that it takes more time to do and twists outs don't look good (unless you leave the roots braided).

While I hope you don't relax (your hair is so beautiful!) I do understand why you're considering it...I might be too if it took me that long to detangle. You're the one who has to deal with your hair so ultimately, all that matters is that you wear it in a way that's manageable for YOU, be that relaxed or natural. But since I am a big fan of the naps, I will echo some of the suggestions to consider cutting your hair to a more manageable length before you opt for a relaxer.

I wish you luck whatever you decide to do. :)
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Thank you. Yes, I have tried braiding the roots. Thanks for the support.